We want to hear from you! What would be in your dream incall space? What in an incall is most important to you? What would make you feel happiest, sexiest, most comfortable and most kinky? AOS is always striving to create safe spaces to explore kink, fetish and fantasy…literally and figuratively; mentally, emotionally and physically. Email us at email@example.com 🙂read more
I learned a lot about power through my “classical” Dominatrix training. Unfortunately, a lot of it was through watching how power was misused. I trained at a ‘world renowned, old-guard, classical BDSM training chateau’. The kind that respects protocol, leather history, and hierarchies. The kind that isolates itself from other BDSM communities, the kind of place that calls itself “the best” without meaningfully engaging in other things.
I found a formalized BDSM structure and community before I even knew what BDSM stood for. It quite literally fell into my lap and gave me language for my interest in power play. Despite the ambivalence I now hold towards my old-guard BDSM upbringing, there is a reason I was drawn to it. I get a certain sexual satisfaction on structure and rules, primarily on making them. The ability to create a world that serves you and your needs is a powerful skill to hone, and an incredibly dangerous weapon if you aren’t open to accountability when your methods harm others.
“Old-Guard” BDSM of the 1950’s takes its strict protocol and aesthetics from formalized military code and biker culture. “New-Guard” BDSM evolved out of the many social and cultural changes leading into the 1980’s. But, as with most things, it isn’t really a simple binary. Most kinksters pull from kink history and from their personal history to create something that works for them, and for many others, not a lot of thoughtfulness goes into it at all.
I recently saw a tweet by Mistrix Sade which said, “I am decidedly NOT a ‘classical’ Dominatrix. And proud of that. I am an experimental one: a modern, de-constructivist sensory artist, and power exchange practitioner. Question everything, especially the ‘old school.’” I, for one, love the idea of an experimental dominatrix, the idea that we are always growing. That we are not infallible. The last few years, I’ve been thinking of my play as that of a curious scientist. Collecting data. Doing experiments. And learning.
Kink doesn’t have to look a particular way or adhere to certain structures or language. To me, kink should be expansive. It is about exploration, connection, and finding attunement with a partner. A good scene comes from engagement, communication, and a flow of energy between the top and the bottom. A good scene comes from knowing yourself and your desires and taking the time to find a partner who has similar interests. A good scene is an act of co-creation, where both the top and the bottom are engaged, empowered to share their needs and desires, and ultimately enjoying themselves.read more
In this installment of AOS Featured Artist Interviews, we learn about the wonderfully free-spirited, adventurous and FUN Switch Margot! Join us as we discuss the intersections of BDSM, art and education!
Hi Margot! I heard that you just celebrated your 5 year anniversary of living in New York City! How does it feel?
Thriving in this city feels like one of my greatest accomplishments. I get to do what I’m most passionate about every day, which is to make kinky art!! When I’m not using my creative talents in session, I’m drawing, journaling, writing blog posts, planning photo shoots for work or participating in events to help further education in BDSM and sexuality. I have a wonderful community of people who support me, and I love it when I have the opportunity to use my skills and experience to give back.
You are an incredible artist! Your work is very provocative. Can you tell us more about it?
Sure!! I’m very proud of my erotic illustrations, and I’ve been using porn as a source of material and inspiration for my art since college. Growing up, I believed that porn was scary or gross, or just something that I wasn’t supposed to like because I’m a girl, but collecting and drawing hardcore images helped me come to terms with my own desires. Women who performed submissive roles, whose bodies were bound or subjugated in some way, appeared to me to be the most powerful. I created performance pieces and installations that allowed me to explore kinky subject matter and cultivate my budding exhibitionism. This stuff transformed into the career that fulfills and sustains me now
Have you always been kinky? Or did you develop your taste for BDSM after moving to the NYC?
I suppose that the potential to be kinky was inside me all along. As a kid, I played adventure games that involved being captured and tied up, or surviving alone in the wilderness. I loved to play dogs, and my close friends and I had our own little pack. When I got older, I had a perfectionist streak, and pursued AP academics and endurance sports such as cross country, which anyone can tell you is masochistic.
My hunger for experience and sensation only grew as I became aware of socially constructed power dynamics. I explored it in as many ways and with as many individuals as I could, analyzing it in my art, but never really connecting the concept of BDSM to it. So, yes, I was kinky, but I just didn’t know it.
I always tell people that you are the most perverted person I know (please take that as a compliment)! What drives your avant-garde interest in BDSM?
Something that really resonates with me is Julia Kristeva’s theory of abjection, which states that people react in horror to that which threatens to break down the boundary between ourselves and the other. BDSM is like constantly finding that boundary, and it’s the most intimate experience that I can have with myself or with someone else. Finding your limits and accepting them or having someone else accept them feels extremely vulnerable.
I guess another way to put it is that I like to surprise and shock other people just as much as I like to surprise and shock myself.
It sounds like kink has always been a part of your identity. How has realizing that affected your lifestyle?
Realizing that I wasn’t alone and seeking out a community of kinky, sex positive people, changed my life. Even though the subject of my sexuality fueled my art and allowed me to express myself, I still felt like an outsider. When a community exists, so do expectations: mutual respect, open communication, and consent. I truly value my early experiences, but I also see how my desires as a submissive to give up control and to receive degradation lead to hurtful relationships when the context of BDSM was absent.
Actively choosing to be submissive is so much more powerful than passively accepting social norm. The structure of BDSM allows for a lot of flexibility to suit the individuals that practice it, and it also asks those individuals to be self reflexive. It can be cathartic, but it’s not therapy, and, in the end, it’s supposed to be fun!!
How has understanding BDSM affected your art?
Understanding BDSM peaked my interest in learning the skills I needed to be a capable player, and in pursuing a career as a pro switch. I consider my sessions to be my performance art tailored to an audience of one, and the content that I produce on social media to be part of my character’s story. My art and life really intersect through Margot.
What is the most fun that you’ve had recently?
I got gangbanged for my birthday. That was fun!! Organizing the whole thing was quite a feat, too. I helped create the initial invitation, outline my expectations and hard limits, and decide on the date and location, but I wanted the participants to be a surprise. I wore a hood the entire time, and I was tied up, held down, tossed around. It was everything that I could have hoped for. My friends recorded it and edited it into a feature film with a killer soundtrack. The sense of camaraderie during the scene and the screening was so heartwarming.
[Dear readers, this was a personal scene and not available for booking. And also, no, you cannot watch the film – Margot is a delightful open book, but some things must be kept mysterious! 😉 ]
So where are you now? What are you into these days, and how would you describe your kink orientation?
I’m a switch, leaning a shade more submissive than dominant, more bottom than Top. Call me greedy, but l like to receive direction and sensation alike. I love pushing my partners’ buttons and exploring their interests while they explore the depths of mine.
Perhaps a good way to describe my submission would be to say that I strive to be the receptive vessel to my partner’s confidence. Confidence and Dominance really go hand in hand, and it’s catnip to a kinkster like me. Even as a Dominant, I can’t feel a spark between myself and a submissive with zero sense of self worth. Power exchange is my biggest fetish, and both parties need to bring some kindling to the table if anything is to catch fire.
The beauty of power exchange is that you don’t need a BDSM scene to feel its presence. It can be expressed very simply in the playful give and take of a thoughtful conversation. It can be expressed in flirtatious requests and suggestions and subtle acts of service.
What advice do you have for Switches, newbie or experienced players?
The second Satanic Statement in LaVey’s Satanic Bible states: “Satan represents vital existence, instead of spiritual pipe dreams!” Replace ‘Satan’ with switching, and you’ve got my kind of mantra! I’m a big fan of distinguishing between submissive, bottom, Domme and Top. They are four distinct roles, and switches especially should embrace fluidity as they search for their pleasure.
In regards to pleasure, also keep in mind that there will be certain things you try that just don’t feel good at all. It’s important to keep an open mind, and to be ok with feeling silly or unsexy. There will be times that something doesn’t feel or have the effect that you thought it was. Hold true to your hard limits, never push yourself to the point of injury (physical or otherwise), but know that it takes time for new sensations and experiences to process. Some things become erotic in the moment, and other things will take more reflection, a different setting, or a different partner.
Thank you for sharing the story of Margot! You have and always will be one of my favorite people. Whether we are talking about art, kink, working out, or which brand of flogger to stock for the dungeon, you always bring a fresh perspective. Your unique take on the world and breath-of-fresh-air candor make you a true Original. Keep on being you because we love you!
To book Margot, check out her Artist profile!
Communication is the introduction to every fulfilling encounter. I begin our interaction with email because it gives us both a chance to compose our thoughts, without the pressure of time imposed on every word. (Plus, candidly: I’m a Millenial and talking on the phone stresses me out. We don’t call each other unless something is gravely wrong!)
Far from being impersonal, the written word is a reminder of handwritten notes of devotion from days gone by… It’s an important way of getting to know each other and builds the framework of how we’ll communicate when we meet. Our first, digital interactions are a sweet aphrodisiac.
When we meet in the flesh, that communication is renewed. Though we may feel the urge to tear each other’s clothes off, we take a breath, a few moments. We introduce ourselves; it may feel like we already know each other. Maybe it feels like we’re perfect strangers. Both are jolts of excitement. Either way, we’ll have already chatted about some of what will happen… but we aren’t sure how exactly the dice will fall, especially when we’re exploring a new experience.
This is why ongoing communication is so necessary and so sexy among play partners, whether we are well known to each other or experiencing the new buddings of desire.
I want to know how you feel. I want to know what you’re deeply enjoying, what’s pleasant, and what might not be working for you. Everyone is different, and I don’t assume that you’ll enjoy every single thing that we explore. I want to find what drives you. This is why every kind of feedback begets greater intimacy.
My intention is to give you the confidence to communication with me freely, to let me know where you are, how you’re feeling. For me, that’s the greatest pleasure of having another creature with you in your moment of pleasure: we get to talk, laugh, flirt, and tell one another how it’s all feeling.
So, why are we all so quiet? Trust me, it isn’t just you.
I was recently speaking with my cohort Charli Gallo regarding the subject of quiet sex. I said it was a habit I had to unlearn as an adult, and she confirmed my experience. …and how many play parties, orgies, and naked birthday parties have we been to together?! It clearly isn’t a matter of experience that taught us to be so tongue-tied.
I suspect many of us have similar roots in our learned habit of sexual self-censorship.
In our first experiences of masturbation, it is very likely there was someone sharing the room, or close by down the hall. Lacking privacy, we bit pillows, our hands, hid beneath the blankets to find our solitude. As we grew older, we locked ourselves in bathrooms and locker room stalls to find a few peaceful moments of quiet during puberty. Old habits die hard.
If you were raised religious, like I was, or as a woman, like I was, those things add additional layers of shame and the drive to conceal your desire and the pursuit of pleasure to the mix.
I know where I learned to hide my voice.
Summer camp. Funny how our shared fantasies grow from realities. I bunked in a cabin in the woods of Maine with six girls and our counselor. I couldn’t spend six weeks keeping my hands to myself every night, so I learned how to be quiet.
I separated pleasure from sound, touch from expression. It took me me years to begin to unravel this teenage habit.
Now, I take great pleasure in hearing myself gasp, growl, yelp with enjoyment, no less than in telling my partner to move their head or their hand to give me greater pleasure. It turns me on to hear you turned on.
If this is an experience you relate to, know that I don’t expect you to unlearn it on your own.
What I want you to know is my desire to hear from you – in your affect, your sighing, your moaning, the way your body responds. I want to create a space where you can experience your body, our bodies, and the great pleasures we have to offer each other without worry or shame.
I’ve recently added a password-protected VIP gallery to my website. You can receive the password (and thus, lifetime access) for just $50, which can be paid via Amazon gift card, Circle Pay, or cash if we’re lucky enough to meet in the flesh. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to inquire.
What to expect: never-before seen (and sometimes explicit) selfies, extra photos from past shoots, exhibitionism, occasional short videos, behind the scenes kinky fun, and a closer peek into my world. My goal is to add something to the gallery every 1 to 2 weeks, and the gallery has a sizeable collection already.
What not to expect: porn.
Here’s one free sample of the kind of goodies you’ll get. Yes, this is on the subway. Enjoy.
Artist Page: http://theartofsubmission.bz/artist/submissive-ava/read more
If you want to switch in scene, it’s always a good idea to ask. You wouldn’t just shock someone in the balls with a cattle prod without asking, right? Or at least not without making sure that cattle prods are hard limits. Some Tops will always be Tops, and some bottoms will only want to bottom: that’s totally cool! Many factors might make a person not want switch during a scene, even if it is something that they have done in the past or are interested in doing in the future. Even with a willing partner, the mood has to be right.read more
How did you start exploring your submissiveness in D/s play?
I’ve been playing the role of distressed damsel since childhood. I was always the one who wanted to be kidnapped and held prisoner. My adult self is a (barely) refined version of this young girl, and I’ve been actively exploring D/s since I reached maturity. I like being forced to do what I already want to do!read more
How did you start exploring your submissiveness in D/s play?
In adolescence, I awoke to a secret and very powerful need to submit, but I had no idea how or who to ask. I tried mere spankings, but I discovered I craved something more – something visceral that I could not articulate and was too ashamed to admit. Eventually, I sought out and found where and how to ask for the “it” I had yet to name: Your dominance. My surrender. I still crave it deeply every day.read more
I didn’t call red, but the scene was definitely over. I curled into a fetal ball and cried, and I pretended not to hear my Dom’s instructions to clean up myself and our toys. That would really mean it was done.read more
Photo by Helmut Newton, Two Pairs Of Legs In Black Stockings, Paris, 1979, Courtesy Sothebys 2011
Ever curious about bringing your partner to visit AOS? A couples experience can be life-changing! Whether it’s celebrating a special occasion, learning and having fun together, or reigniting a spark, we are here at your service! Nothing pleases us more than to please you…both of you! As a tribute to those special couple friends we’ve developed over the years, and to perhaps intrigue those of you who have always wondered, we’ve decided to start a series of posts exploring how one special couple started discovering the world of kink together. Here’s the first installment written by a very special friend of AOS…read more